Spokesman

The company I work for has been in the news a bit.

In Queensland, the newly elected conservative Government has vowed to freeze electricity prices, at least for twelve months. As company's like mine factor these annual price increases into their profit projections, this is a big deal for us.

And so the company comes up with an alternate plan. If we can't put up the price of electricity then we'll jack up the cost of having the electricity connected to each person's house, what's called the 'Supply Charge,' a largely overlooked fee on every electricity bill in Australia (so overlooked that even the Queensland Government ignored it in  their price freeze policy). My company decides to put this up by nearly 50%.

The Queensland Government responds to this by telling the media that they're going to cancel any contracts they have with us for electricity supply to Government projects. To which we respond by telling the media that in that case the Government had better lawyer up, for we're not just coming back for our $1500, we're coming back for everything. Nasty things are said on both sides, threats made, ultimatums given, talking heads consulted, and all of it given daily front page treatment by the Queensland media.

Which is where I come in.

For as well as answering a few basic questions about solar electricity systems and occasionally tapping a button to release a pellet of food, while I'm on the job I'm also expected to be a mouthpiece for the company I work for. A kind of minimalistic spokesman with no real investment in the organisation, but who is nevertheless expected to defend it's every decision to the death.

Like jumping the Supply Charge in Queensland by 50%. Somehow I'm supposed to explain this. And with the amount of media attention it's had there, I get plenty of opportunities to do so.

'I just read in the paper that you lot are going to put our bloody electricity prices up by 800%!'

'The Premier vowed to fight what you're doing and I think he has to. He can't let you people get away with this!'

'I can't believe what you people are doing with these prices. I think it's disgusting!'

'How can you people justify putting prices up by that much when the consumer price index only shifted by 2.6% last fiscal year?'

These type of complaints often seem to have some reference to 'you people' in them. 'You people' are doing this and 'you people' are doing that. It's such a common turn of phrase that I often forget that they're actually referring to me. I'm one of 'you people'. But when it's early in the day and my first Coke hasn't kicked in and I'm only sort of half absorbing what they're saying to me, it's easy for me to start day dreaming about 'you people'; imagining a kind of shadowy army of sinister corporate operatives in suits and 50s style hats, like the cast of Mad Men only gone bad, all of them working discretely and relentlessly towards their overall goal of over charging people for their basic services. 


But I can't day dream about this indefinitely. After all, I'm being paid to say... something.

'I just read in the paper that you lot are going to put our bloody electricity prices up by 800%!'

Well that's just not so. The price increases we've put forth are only going to be 50% across the next year. So this actually represents a cut in prices.... That's right, a cut.... A substantial one.... Well,  we're looking at a cut of 750%... That's right... That's calculated on the forward projections of your own estimates based on the figures that you've just given me as quoted by the media in today's press and ignoring all other assumptions and configurations.

'The Premier vowed to fight what you're doing and I think he has to. He can't let you people get away with this!'

The Premier and the State Government actually regulate utility pricing... Well, they control all the levers of the pricing mechanisms... Right, so when the Premier says he's going to fight us, what he's actually saying is that he's going to fight himself.... I know, it doesn't make much sense to me either.

'I can't believe what you people are doing with these prices. I think it's disgusting!'

I certainly understand where you're coming from and I know exactly what you mean... Well, I have to cope with the same price increases myself.... It's something that effects everyone in Queensland... I live in Red Hill.... Yeah, that's right, Brisbane.... Well that's right, the city is expensive... Yeah, this increase doesn't help!

'How can you people justify putting prices up by that much when the consumer price index only shifted by 2.6% last fiscal year?'

Dude, I get paid about a dollar an hour to field these questions. Watch Q and A if you want some answers.


And so on into the afternoon.

The point is, that my employer has me there really as a kind of roadblock. A deadend. Something for people to butt their heads against. A lot of the customers who ring up would know more about the pricing mechanisms and regulatory framework around electricity costs than I do, but they still want to hear the company line.

And as long as I say something, and that something isn't 'suffer in yer jocks,' then they just seem to accept whatever I've told them. They grouse, they complain, they grumble, they say 'you people' and then they say 'Thanks very much' and hang up. Some of them might take their business to another electricity company, but those other company's are pretty much like mine with prices essentially the same. So while it might make them feel better, it doesn't actually change their circumstances.

The whole thing conforms to a very set pattern; company announcement, government announcement, government threat, company threat, media, media, public complaint, company gibberish (supplied by me, in this instance), status quo. You can see this everywhere, playing out across every industry. It seems like an awful lot of time and energy, for not very much result...

... and then the customer hangs up and goes and watches some daytime TV, I take my next call, my company's share price moves 1/7 of a point on the Dow and it's secret army of Mad Men operatives continues their nefarious work.